Trauma and Creativity
As an artist and as a person, two near death experiences (NDE) are defining occurrences in my life. The first was when I was 41/2 years old, and the second as an adult.
According to nde researcher PMH Atwater, after an NDE, children under the age of 5 have a loss of innocence, become more mature then their age, often taking care of people. Children of this age group have not become fully ‘domesticated’ and in some way are aware of existence before this earth incarnation.
Having an NDE from a tonsillectomy at the age of 4 1/2 many of the challenges listed above did not become apparent to me until I had the adult NDE. Seeing too much, knowing too much, not having words and being a child were handicaps in this world. Knowing I was part of the stars, the Universe in the depth of my being supported me when I felt home sick.
Unlike adult NDEr’s children often don’t experience the euphoria and awe. Instead the burden of adaptation and playing the roll of caregiver were heavy burdens.I would have continued on in life trying to sort this dichotomy had it not been for the traumatic brain injury (TBI) and the adult NDE. I did have the joyful adult NDE that gave me great hope in my times of despair during 14 years of healing. Reminders of my child NDE arose early on during recovery from the adult NDE. The TBI added to child and adult NDE’s stretched my awareness. I wasn’t briefly visiting an altered awareness I was immersed in it, lived and became this expanded consciousness.
I became used to the constant change in universal, earth and personal flow knowing that nothing is permanent, all is an illusion, I exist/ed on the edge of a sword, looking for balance in this ever moving Universe. From that perspective death is like walking through a door, and having experienced death I knew the love and ecstasy of that other place. Being here on earth is a great challenge for me.Creating is the bridge that is my foundation. I lean on my creativity, it is the gateway to transmute the light from Spirit into another form. It is a devotional practice for me. I earned a Bachelor of Fine Arts from the University of Colorado, worked as a technical illustrator, odd jobs, raised a family, did art shows and galleries.
Success was having HH Dalai Lama express joy from receiving a gift that someone delivered to him for me as well as giving artwork to the heart sons of the Nyingma lineage of Tibetan Buddhism and their advisors, being asked to paint a Thangka for a Tulku of his predecessor and having a Rinpoche and Tulku happily accept the gift of a painting. An Aboriginal Elder, a Peruvian Curandero and Traditional Native Elder also have my artwork (not really ‘mine’ and a prayer to Spirit in paint). I am grateful to share this connection to Spirit, whatever it may be and in whatever capacity as a prayer to All That Is.Over the years I have been most fortunate to learn and serve Elders of high ancient lineage in Western Mysteries and Tibetan Buddhism.I am grateful to share what I perceive through energy paintings. The focus is expanding consciousness. If you are contemplative and willing to open your awareness we can experience your connection to the cosmos and bring it down to earth to see what arises.Please contact me for a conversation of sharing and openness to synchronicities that may emerge.